Well let me start by saying I always believe the worst for a REASON. So u may have read my previous post regarding my sons father..... SMH! I'm not sure when I will learn to go with my gut.
I came across some proof today that the Boys Dad has not been working for some time. Suprize Suprize! I'm not sure how long its been but I suspect its been since Christmas. He has actually been getting dressed three days a week in his uniform and going God knows where. He has been lying to everyone. Crash n burn!!! That means there is no income coming in at all. Sick or not I'm going to have to go find a job..... I can do this anymore 18 years of lies. To many chances..... Then there is a bunch of other shit that I don't even care about. The fact that I found out where he was Friday when he didn't come home. He was at a friends house that he is not suppose to be with because of issues from the past. And it just so happens that two of the girls he has been trying to get with were there. I may play dumb but I'm not a fool. He is talking to half a dozen girls and trying to convince me that we should work things out. Ummm sorry I checked out emotionally a long time ago. He has dug this hole for himself, I'm running out of excuses. (I make excuses for him all the time)
So when he got home today I tried to give him a chance to come clean and he refused to even talk about it so I told him he needs to leave. Of course he just ignores me. Then after time to think up a story he tries to feed me a line of bullshit. Supposedly he had a job interview today and starts a new job on Thursday..... The funny shit is he had a job interview a week ago that he blew off. When the hell are you going to grow up and be responsible?? I give up. I want him gone he has had enough time...
So lets flash back to the summer time The end of July I caught him trying to hook up with some local girls on FB and then he pulled the disappearing act and was out all night same place same girls. I really wanted to put all his shit outside but I let it slide because we had family coming to visit that we hadn't seen in a long time. Oh n FYI he is very predictable so I figured that he would at the last minute right before they left say he was going with them to visit his mom. Mind you my Godson had come to spend a couple weeks with us. I called him on his bs before they got here just so he knew I was aware.
Side note we had been in Marriage counseling for about 3 months and were suppose to be working on things. I committed to it even though I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. Because the only reason that he even agreed to it was because he knew Mr. Perfect was back in the picture and I chose Mr. Perfect over him once before. (back story for another time)
So the day they were planning to leave about an hour before they were scheduled to go he dropped it on me that he was going with them. So I nicely told him to take his things with him. When he didn't get it I told him flat out that he had proved that he didn't care about working on our relationship. That even with the crap he pulled he knew we needed to talk about it but was just selfishly going to do whatever he wanted so I didn't want him to come back. He made it to easy.
We've been through this so many times he of course didn't believe me. So he only took a couple outfits. But I meant it. I was done. I didn't talk to him for days then he contacted me trying to lay some crap on me that he shouldn't have gone his family was treating him like crap that he realized his only family was here blah blah. I stayed strong and told him he made his choice. Mind you he left knowing that he was suppose to start a class the first week of August.
At the same time I had sent word to Mr. Perfect that he was gone and I wanted to know where he stood and if he was serious about wanting to be with me.... he did not respond for some time then I got notice in my news feed that he had added to his fb page that he was in a relationship with the "girlfriend". So I took that as my answer and I let him know that I wished him the best and that I hoped we could at least remain friends. That got his attention and he threw a bitch fit said he didn't do it that she hacked his page blah blah. I told him that I needed to take some time to work on me. And I cut him off, I refuse to play #2 been down that road before. (more back story)
The kids father begged me to let him come back just so he could start this class that would help him get on his feet and he would find some place to stay. I finally agreed but that lead to more arguments and he finally agreed to just come get his things. But then someone in his family turned him in he had 13 year old warrants for a Traffic Violation in one state and a body attachment for back child support in the other. He got picked up an the traffic violation and if they had extradited him they would have put him under the jail. I thought about how that would effect my boys and I panicked. I also have this crazy protection thing with him that I don't understand. I guess I feel bad for him because of all the crap he has been through. But he also knows this and uses it.
During this time Mr. Perfect continued to bug out but I stayed my distance. He kept saying I know your going to let him come back, please don't do that.... He was ringing the phone off the hook but I didn't answer it because I was feeling betrayed.
So when the kids father was released OR His cousin rushed him home. When he got back he threw the whole pity party that I was his only family he had no where to go.... so I again agreed to let him stay here on a day to day bases. Then he started his class and was committed. It was kind of shocking.
Mr. Perfect refused to talk to me once he found out I let him back in the house. Even after I explained the situation. That there was no relationship involved. So the next couple months were interesting every conversation we had was an argument.
And the kids dad was trying so hard it made me want to vomit. There were times when I would get a spark of hope that he was really changing but then he would do something to remind me why I didn't want to be with him anymore.
I was finally able to convince Mr. Perfect that things were different now and until recently things were going great. The whole no time for me thing. I finally sent him a message last night that the constant begging for his attention was making me feel horrible and that for my own sanity I was going to stop stalking him. (by the way he loves that I stalk him smh) At first he assumed that I was planning on trying to work things out with this guy. But I explained to him that his lack of attentiveness was leaving me feeling lonely. He apologized and promised to be more available.
that brings us back to the present.... Now I have to figure out where to go from here. I know he is just going to ignore me I'm not sure how I'm going to get him to leave but I cant let him stay or he will always think its ok to lie to me and I cant live like that.
So in addition to this and all the other chaos I told you about the last few days. I am in excruciating pain. Its a little scary with what everyone else is dealing with but I believe it is kidney stones again... Wonderful right just what I need on top of everything else. I'm exhausted and I cant sleep because I cant get comfortable.... If it doesn't get better soon I'm going to end up in the hospital with everyone else....
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