So I've been feeling really Crappy the last few days (years) and I haven't gotten anything done. I have not even finished cleaning the crib. Not to mention that the house is a hot freaking mess! But the world around me is in utter chaos.
A family friend kidnapped her son and took off across the country. Resulting in a nation wide Amber Alert. I get why she did it and any real mom would have done the same thing. Just sad that now she is in jail and there is no one to protect her son from his father.
My best friend/big brother has been talking crazy all week. He wants to kill himself..... again.
My God daughters mother, my dear friend, is going in for double lung surgery this week..... And she broke her "broken leg" that she had bone cancer in an they removed the whole thigh bone. and broke 3 of the screws to the rod holding it together....
I had my Nephew all day because his mom is in ICU in critical condition. She has blood clots in her lungs, and they are filling with fluid. All this out of the blue last night she couldn't breath. Then I find out that she was at the hospital by herself. It makes me want to put my foot in peoples asses and make them act right. How is your wife in ICU and your ass is home sleeping??? Who does that???
Mr. Perfect has not had time for me and I'm starting to feel some kinda way about it...... Why do I always have to be the stalker????
The kids dad has been bullshitting me about work all week. Then he "goes to work" last night and doesn't even come home.... Not that I give a shit I'm just tired of feeling like everyone lies to me about everything. I don't trust anyone and its not ok. Today he was suppose to work 4 to 10:30 went in late and came home at 8:30??? I care only because he is the one responsible for providing for our household right now and it isn't happening.... Then has the balls to come in and try to be all loving and caring.... Do I look stupid?? That ship sailed a long time ago!!!
Why is it you try to give people the chance to prove they are reliable and you get your hopes up just to crash and burn???? Its so much easier to expect the worst in all things at least you don't end up feeling like a dumb ass. I really just want to matter to someone. To be the center of their world. To come first, is that to much to ask???
I'm also so over arguing with my kids all the time. If their father tells them to do something they jump. I get attitude and an argument and half the time the 15 year old does what ever he wants anyway...
It sucks that I care about all these people and it feels like none of them care about me.... I just get aggravated at myself for caring at all. Then it pisses me off how everyone is dealing with this stuff. I really just don't understand people!!!
You know what makes all of this worse is I have no one to talk to about any of it except my Therapist who unfortunately I don't see for two weeks :P
There were a couple of bright spots I did get a call back about the job she invited me to apply for the position. And my youngest son won first place at his robotics competition the only middle school against all high schools. Wish I could be happy about them....
No comments:
Post a Comment